GLOOBERT 1

Current Metrics

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Location: Sacred Crash Site, Sector One, Gloob

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Signal Strength:

(Weak... but persisting)

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Observed Dance Style:

Manic Twitchy Infectious

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Last Refresh: 0.3 seconds ago

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Merch Orders Today: [CHECKING CONSTANTLY]

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Classification Status: FIRST (Disputed by 9 others. Subject does not acknowledge.)

Pale mint-green pigmentation. Bat-like ears tuned to the frequency of "viral trends." A belly patch that has slid across every surface in the galaxy. Secretes a substance measured at approximately 50% Unearned Swagger, 50% Immediate Regret.

Subject was designated "1" in the Great Numbering. He behaves as though this is a divine right. He believes he is the leader. (Note: No other Glooberts have agreed to this). He possesses a "Confident but a Disaster" persona that defies physics. He will attempt a backflip because he believes he can. He will land on his face because... he can't.

Exposure to a fractured uplink allowed him to absorb 80 years of Earth pop culture in six seconds. This explains why he knows the choreography to every trend but lacks the motor skills to execute them without property damage.