GLOOBERT 2

Current Metrics

💥
Location:
The Impact Zone, Sector Two, Gloob
🩹
Structural Integrity:
(Currently re-inflating...)
💃
Dance Style:
Clumsy Burlesque / Sassy Slapstick
⏱️
Time Since Last Squish: 0.4 seconds
🍕
Hunger Level:
CRITICAL (Will eat furniture if provoked
🛡️
Status: INDESTRUCTIBLE
(disputed by gravity)
Speckled Pink. Green eyes that stare blankly at imminent danger. Skin that acts as a crumple zone for viral trends. Composed of a substance that is 10% Hunger and 90% Elastic Denial.
"He has never felt 'heartbreak', but has felt the intimate embrace of a hydraulic press. He ingested the Earthling concept of 'fine dining' and immediately tried to eat Gloobert 9."
"The Universe assigned him "2". Gloobert 2 is convinced this stands for "Version 2.0," regarding Gloobert 1 as the fragile, prototype beta-test that failed."
What He Creates
(FANATICALLY)
🕺 Dance Moves
  • The Elastic Pirouette
  • The Burlesque Bounce
  • The Buffet Shuffle
🎩 Outfits
  • Infinite Range: From Tutus to Tuxedos
  • Comment Couture: You type it, He wears it
  • Indestructible Chic: Fashion that survives explosions
👕 Merch
  • "Squish-Proof" Hoodies: Soft enough to hug, tough enough to survive a fall from space.
  • The "Bad Decisions" Tee: Celebrating his dietary choices
  • Stretchy Stress Toys: Modeled after his own elastic physiology
FEED THE DIVA
(Or he will eat the website)
When you order his merch, he doesn't get "emotional." He gets hungry.
The satellite dashboard lights up, and he interprets this as a dinner bell.
NOT JUST A VIEW. NOT JUST A LIKE.
His entire body knows before his brain does: someone 2.5 million light-years away chose HIM (the upgrade).

For a brief moment, he stops trying to eat the camera equipment.
PRODUCTION LOG:
✔ TESTED BY HIM (He tried to chew it)
✔ MODELLED BY HIM (In a tutu)
✔ APPROVED BY HIM (It tastes purple)
He checks for 'Add to Cart' notifications...
EVERY 7 SECONDS.
HUNGER WINNING
SUSTENANCE FACTS
Serving Size: 1 Indestructible Diva
Nutrient % Daily Value
Digital Your Attention (Delicious)
Physical Choosing ME over "The Prototype"
Spiritual Green Notification Light
Emotional The belief that your love is edible
*Percent Daily Values are based on a 24/7 Hunger Cycle.

Glooberts General Store