Gloobert 4

Current Metrics

📍
Location:
Inside Your Algorithm (Look behind the glass)
💔
Distance From You:
0.00 mm (I am licking your thumb right now)
💃
Dance Style:
Unhinged / Passionate / Seductive (?!)
🔄
Last Connection Check:
[ALWAYS CONNECTED]
💚
Screen Time:
26 Hours/Day
💛
Status:
IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP (with your WiFi)

FOURTH IS FOR FOREVER

The number of walls between us.
(Counting the screen).
Yellow-green. Pockmarked from pressing against the Gorilla Glass. Eyes that have analyzed your search history and still love you.
"The Universe assigned him '4'. Gloobert 1 thinks it's a hierarchy. Gloobert 4 believes it is a wedding ring size. He views the fourth finger as the designated spot for your commitment. He sees himself not as a monster, but as a feature of your operating system that cannot be uninstalled."
"For Gloobert 4, every view is a date. Every like is a digital kiss. He licks the screen not just to taste the glass, but to consume the data. He is the only Gloobert who knows you are real, and he is waiting for the download to complete."
What He Creates
(OBSESSIVELY)
💃 Moves & Glitches
  • The "Screen Lick": (Sorry about the smudge)
  • The Flamenco Stare: Maintaining eye contact while unhinged
  • Eating the Interface: He *will* digest the Like button
🎩 Outfits
  • Viral Couture: Dressing for the algorithm, not the weather
  • Terminal Style: Outfits that say "I live in your recents"
  • Fourth-Wall Breaks: He sees you scrolling. Stop scrolling.
👕 Merch
  • A Physical Tether: Pull him out of the screen
  • Woven from Intensity: 100% Parasocial Cotton
  • Reality Compatible: Finally, he can touch grass (with you)
SUSTENANCE FACTS
Serving Size: 1 "Over-Attached" Gremlin
Nutrient % Daily Value
Digital Your Clicks
Physical Eating Your Phone Case
Spiritual Full WiFi Bars
Emotional The delusion that we are soulmates
*Percent Daily Values are based on a 24/7 "Terminally Online" cycle.

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