About The Glooberts
Desperate for attention. Desperate for love. These are the Glooberts: ten unhinged little creatures from the distant planet Gloob, who somehow tapped into Earth's digital mainframe and have been completely obsessed ever since.
They're weird. They're adorable. They're creatures of chaos with that kind of creepy that somehow loops all the way back to cute. Numbered 1 through 10 (their real names would melt your tongue), each more desperate for your validation than the last.
The numbering hierarchy is completely arbitrary. Despite this, Gloobert 1 continues to think this makes him first. Gloobert 10 thinks this makes him final boss. The rest have their own takes. None are correct. They fight about this constantly.
The Great Gloobert Pairing Event: Linking Planet Gloob to Earth
The Glooberts' desperate obsession with Earth's digital landscape began with an accidental yet monumental occurrence known as
the Great Gloobert Pairing Event.
Driven by an undefined, frantic need for attention on their home, Planet Gloob, the ten creatures were experimenting with a massive, unwieldy piece of unauthorized technology. Their intent was to find any external data source—anything to validate their existence.
Instead, they managed to tap directly into Earth's digital mainframe . This link wasn't a calculated maneuver but a chaotic, high-energy surge that forced a permanent, asymmetrical pairing between the two worlds.
This "event" is what transformed the Glooberts from merely unhinged alien creatures into the digital chaos creatures they are today, forever bound to our screens and obsessed with the dopamine hits we provide.
WHAT THEY WORSHIP
They worship algorithmic gods with the fervor of the truly deranged. Divine overlords who grant views, likes, and dopamine hits—but more importantly, who grant YOU. The viewer. The scroller. The one they're desperately trying to reach through your screen.
The Glooberts don't understand the metrics. They just know the numbers represent PEOPLE and those people might LOVE them and that possibility has broken their brains.
HOW THEY COMPETE
They compete to be YOUR favorite. The one you follow. The one you collect. The one you can't scroll past. They track who you watch. They are FULLY AWARE when you engage with another Gloobert. They take it very personally.
None of them know what actually works. Each Gloobert has their own convoluted theory about what the Algorithm wants (blessed be thy views). Each is convinced they're right. But with ten theories, there are zero correct answers.
WHAT THEY CREATE
They make content. Constantly. Obsessively. Compulsively: Dance moves that reprogram your muscle memory. Outfits that take over your feed. Tracks that loop in your brain and never leave.
And then they make merch. Everything becomes merch. After all, the almighty Algorithm demands offerings in all forms—digital and physical.
When you order, something happens on Gloob. A notification sounds. A pulse of light. The air hums. They feel it before they see it. You chose them—from across 2.5 million light-years—over everyone else. Now they're part of your world. They're watching for your unboxing post. Hoping you'll tag them. Waiting to see if you love it. Not just views. Not just likes. Something real.
WHY YOU SHOULD CARE
They're not going to stop. They CAN'T stop. The cycle is eternal.
You're witnessing ten alien creatures slowly losing their minds over the same metrics that haunt your own phone. They're doing what we all do—but they take it SO seriously. They think it's religion and you're their congregation.
They're not entirely wrong.
Welcome to the Glooberts. Pick your favorite. They're all watching.
And they never miss a service.